Trying to find peace of mind,while my body loses control!

Well its been quite a while since I have posted and a lot had to do with my body and the control that I have lost over it. I know I'm never in control, God is in control, but where is he I'm praying and trying to heal and nothing seems to ease my discomfort. Doctors I myself trust to provide us with the best quality of care and I truely love my physicians but, how can a company and doctor endorse something like this and not realize the life altering affects it has on some of us. Yes some are lucky and have great success with the procedure, which is a TVT or sometimes called a TVT-O.Yet I myself was not one of the lucky ones after my initial hysterectomy and TVT I have experieced almost every symptom in the books, from bladder and yeast infections to abdominal pain, painful urination, and you can forget intercourse..It has affeted our relationship, not that my husband does'nt understand he is the best.We are so emotionally tortured by the symptoms and surgery that we just try to move on and not discuss it as much as possible, but we live it everyday. I'm on my second round of antibotics and am now still having sharp shooting pains after having the revision on the 13th, to remove the mesh ,which was only successful at removing 50 %...Now its a wait and see what happens game my gyn says I should be fine but I'm praying that he is right, because so far I'm not expecting the best.On the 27 th I go for a post op check up and I'm hoping to talk about what I have learn from other woman expericing the same classic problem. Say a prayer please that my body can adjust and I have the best quality of life possible, I mean I'm only 27 and this should'nt be happening. Thanks for your thoughts and prayers...In advance.

Fall and all that comes with it...

Oh my gosh I can not begin to describe how much I love the cool crisp mornings and the memories of going to school. Now watching my eldest son get on the bus with his backpack in tow, I realize the feelings my mother had watching me grow. Time flies and I myself tend to let everyday things bog me down, I pray to my heavenly father to change my heart and mind so that I might be a positive influence on anyone and everyone I come in contact with, yet mainly my children...I love the way they look at me and kiss me...My boys make my day and I pray that I'll begin to make theirs better each day with my outlook on life and mood in general. It is now fall and the boys are playing ball with Riley's coach from spring whom they adore... Together they are on the same team which simplifies my life but much more important their together enjoying playing a sport they both love..I don't know what will stick with them as they grow but for now they love baseball and their team...and mostly one another.

First ride on the cheese...

Well as a stay a home mom I took pleasure in the fact that I'm available to take my son to school and also be able to him up...Soon I was informed that I was not cool enough my son wanted to ride the cheese, why would anyone want to ride on a stinky, sweaty bus. Oh and bye the way he loved it..He rides home in the afternoon, yet I still have the pleasure of taking him in the morning. Believe me he would rather ride the bus, but I'm not putting a 5 year old on the bus at 6:30 school doesn't even start until 7:55. Here are a couple of pictures from his first afternoon on the bus.Oh and by the way my sons first words to me when he got off the bus were what are you doing out here...I said I wanted to make sure you got off at the right stop and he informed me that mom I know where I live... and the bus driver knows my address... What was I thinking Mr. Independent...

First Days of School.....

Well now that both Riley and Brody are attending school it leaves me and baby boy Emerson.I'm loving it but poor Emerson doesn't understand why he can't go and why daddy takes Brody in the Jeep and leaves him...Yet as soon as their out of sight their out of mind, now after the first few days he follows me around, watches TV and sleeps on the couch like a bum... The boys love their schools and their teachers and continue to make more and more friends. Riley's already requesting that John and Bailey come to spend the night, I told him that I'm sure their parents might have a problem since we only met at meet the teacher night...He assures me that it's not a problem I find it hilarious and can't believe the days of sleep over are almost here.

Summer 2008

Here's just a few pictures of the boys this summer, enjoying ever moment...

Meeting the Atchisons...

After a long day of seeing doctors and everything checking out fine we made the drive home, only to wait until nine p.m. for Scott to finally make it home. You see after a long day at work, my husband still works trying to make a extra income by cutting grass, so late nights is our time we have with him. I have been weak lately and so needy of him and I feel sometimes I just make it harder on him so I have been praying for God to give me strength. Physically and emotionally I have been weak you see I have had surgery and injury to the site where I had surgery. I have had so many fears about my body and condition and my husband continually trys to help me through my struggles assuring me I will be fine in time.Last night after he made it home he shared with me about meeting the Atchison family and their loss. He gave me their blog site I sat a read till early this morning, honestly crying and sobbing for their loss and for Hope she is strong.. I hope one day I can meet them and we can share in each others lives because we all need friends who feed us spiritually and who can hold us accountable here on earth. My husband felt such a connection with them and he shared some of our struggles and loss with them. He said he loved talking and sharing with them and that they made his entire day. So to the Atchisons I have started blogging in hopes to connect and share with you and others. God bless you Hope and your family maybe one day soon we can get together.

Mercy and peace...

Mercy and peace is what my heavenly father has given me...Something I have tried and tried to deny all along thinking I was not able to accept it..He has told us to ask him and we will receive and I still fight myself to let go of control, why I do not know because we have never been in control God is... In the past week I have gone from a scared woman who couldn't function to a woman and mother who realize God is in control and I am here to do his work and to nurture and teach my children...his word.Honestly Saturday was a day of acceptance and realizing what he can and will do for our family.Financially we are in a bind and with three small boys and a household to take care of I am realizing that we will make it through his mercy not our works.. We have tried to do what we thought we wanted and what we thought was right for our family all along not really including God's plan for our family, and from last week forward we will not look back and we will take his plan and put it in action as he shows us the path.. Please pray that we will follow him to the end.